in case you are wondering how on earth can i blog when i should be at my workplace.

im on MC.
fever of 38.1,muscle ache,flu,sore throat and cough!
whew.
the doctor told me to wear thick clothes to work cos i say the air-con there quite strong.
he thinks i work in LONDON arh?thick sweater?!
i already tried to tahan yesterday at work but i couldn't. i nearly fall asleep in the office.
:(
SOBS!!
my throat hurts so much that i think i ate 4 or 5 logenzes but it still wouldn't help.
i ended work at 7.20pm. leave and tried to catch a cab.cos my muscle just ache so much. :(
:(
SOBSSSS..
but i couldn't. i dont noe where to take.
so i went to take MRT.
which was ahh.
worst.
people keep on stepping into my feet.
OH MY GOD.
reach home and i went to the doctor straight.
hm.

HADY WON SINGAPORE IDOL.
whew.
i didn't catch the final showdown.
but still.
while i was walking home from Pasir ris central with my friends after going to the foodcourt, we heard shoutings man.and i heard HADY!so i know hady won!!
like come on. i know why they want to make the result show the next day.
:)
cos everyone can shout.
Season 1 right, peng, result @ 11 if i did not remember wrongly, that's why no1 can shout.
haha.
anyway, when we heard shouting it just reminds me of worldcup man.
haha.

eh anyway, what else i want to blog?
let me see.
oh yah.
this week i going to pack myself, recharge myself.
haha.
going to meet my friends.

oh god.
please let me recover soon!?
alright.
till then.


ahh.
it's sunday again.

my life from Mon to Fri just consist of going to Raffles place from Pasir Ris and from Raffles place back to Pasir ris.
now i think everyone can't wait for FRI to come when monday starts, and can't wait for 1st of December to come.

ahhhhhhhhhh..

yesterday got SCH.
as in went back to sch for on campus training.
for once.
i was early.
haha.
heard their experience for their SIP from my classmates.
hm.
:)

then meet LO.
quite ok lah.
i didn't say much thing though cos im still ALIVE

except last week.
feel like crying halfway when working.

went to meet my friends and then went for lunch and then.
boo ORCHARD.
partyworld.
:)
on the way to orchard.
i was sleeping so soundly in the MRT.

and yeah.
they got to wake me up.
haha.
ting was there too.
but different room.

now having sore throat.
haha.
:(
hai.

ignore my previous post.
actually life is getting better.
except i want SIP to ends now.

till then.


im feeling so un-describe-able.

some people are so don't know what is the word to use.
they can tell off people if we compare among people, but when they compare they can.
some got only 1 c.
they also say.
then i might as well jump off a building soon.no should say in the past,i should have done that.
some people is already too smart and yet still say they ain't.
some people think that results is so important(im not saying it's not important)
some people are just so don't know how to say.
once they talk about result, they are so hyper.
Diploma with merit, whose the top, this win me, that one win that person.
they are the only ones that are going to make it well.
i ain't going to make it?
just a piece of result slip in front of the employer.
once they see it's good, then they will employ you.
those who are not that good, will never ever have the chance?
i wonder why life is just make up of this?
i dont know.
i remember my friend saying my result is not good.
that time i heard my friend saying another person result is not that good, but is trying to get good results.
and then i think, ain't she talking about those who's the same standard as him?

awwww...

im not vexed.
im not stress.
it's just life.
no wonder.
i feel like ending it.
earlier.
but i couldn't do it.
jumping off the building.
or even getting pen knife to cut your wrist.
i just couldn't do it.
i can be happy, but you should know how negative and pessimistic i am.
so yeah.
life is not fun at all.
i wonder why must we be born man.
i cried this few nights.
thinking.
afraid.
working life is never fun.
studying life is also never fun.
dying off is better.
what crap.
i just feel like crying again.
arghhhhhhhhhhh....

life at SIP is alright so far.
at least.
it gives me an idea of the real working life.
maybe next year i could make it.

sigh.
don't know what's gotten into me.
bug me.
i also dont know.
seriously, i only know i feel so down after the meal.
sighh..
whatever.
no offence.
no anything.

just ignore this DD over here.
i will be back to normal self soon.
pray it's soon.

till then.


before i blabber off.
please show support for my FRIEND!!
:)
http://www.prettypretty-stuffs.blogspot.com

ahhhh.
it's SUNDAY!
:(

which means tmr got work.
SOBS.
:(

after three days in CCA dept.
for your info, it's consumer credit department.
it's okay.
maybe cos it's the starting.
but then.
somehow, im still very worried.
you know how pessimistic im right?

lucky got the temp girl. actually until now, i also don't know how to spell her name.
she's quite nice.
but she's leaving next wed.
SOBSS.
:(

hm.
have been thinking quite a lot this few days.
don know why.
after the results out on WED.
i have been thinking for so long and so hard.
for whatsoever reason.
we have been studying or most of the people have been studying from nursery till now.
which means 4 years old till 20 years old.
which means 16 years.
actually, this few days, my parents got ask me what i want to do after graduation.
if they are willing to sponsor my further studies im gladly to accept it.
but my results is like worst than don know what. no uni would ever accept me.
so unless they are very willing to let me go study in UWA. i wana go AUST and study.
like come on, DD. face the reality, u are not going to enter into LOCAL uni.
NTU,NUS,SMU unless most students are going overseas and study. which is getting rare since some overseas uni are coming over to Singapore. and NTU,NUS also now offer double-degree. haha. they can stay in Singapore and study already.
come on, i couldn't means i couldn't get in.can GPA 2.9 out of 4 can get in?even if you brainwash me, i still say i couldn't
wait long long also don have man.
maybe except UNISIM.
but studying in Singapore uni take 3-4 years.
overseas got exemption, which means you take less than that am i right?
so what are you going to do?
what am i going to do?
i really want NUS and NTU in the past.
but now.
hm.
UWA is always on my list.
but come on, AUST.
let me dream on first.
how come i can't be like my couz who went to aust and further studies after her A levels?
my mom have been very against the idea of studying overseas.
even for OSIP.
she also got tons of things to say and eventually i stay put in SINGAPORE.
:(

ahhhh.
let me think and let me dream.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
life is so sian.
feel like ending it earlier.
but no.
im not going to.
god created us for us to see the world.
im happy that i could still live on.
i will only bow to fate when they come and take me away to heaven.

oh man.
why am i typing all this
weird me.

maybe past few weeks events make me realise and make me grow even more.
hm.

till then.


alright
:(

i got so many unhappy face today.
don't know why.

yesterday went chinatown with Leechin.
to find her workpalce.
we took one whole big round man.
when we can just walk directly behind the work place.
then after that went for lunch.
then went to my workplace there and find.
found it.
went to City hall and meet xj,zs and gh.
shouldn't have went.
should have just went off by me and leechin will do le.
hm.
went to raffles city shopping centre food junction.
went for lunch with them.
drink 2 cups of sugarcane juice.
hm.
nice.
then went to SUNTEC.
because of the IMF.
omg.
everywhere in the city link, raffles city shopping centre,SUNTEC CITY MARINA SQUARE.
all full of POLICE LAH.
oh my..
road block.
and yeah.
manage to find the place with them.
but they need to do a big turn to their workpalce.
and SUNTEC AND MARINA SQUARE SO FEW PPLE.
then shop.
went bugis.
went home.
was feeling so moody man.
don't ask me why.

today start work.
carol not with me.
she tmr then need to report.
:(
sigh.
met up with her friend(rosemarie),li heng, nic and hengtee.
but we three went off first, leaving rosemarie waiting for her friend.
then who knows we went there.
me, rosemarie and liheng in the same dept.
but. we got to walk to cecil street which is the don't know what building.
then peng. we walked the wrong way after the briefing.
took taxi after that.
hm.
must remember to pay him back the money.
hor.
then went in there.
they taught me this and that.
and read some stuff.
peng.
feel like sleeping.
:(

then lunch break. we were lost again.
was to find hengtee and nic at china square.
:(
peng.
we were like omg.
but then.
we still manage to grab some stuff.
and yeah.
results came.
super duper lousy lah.
i think i can forget about the idea of uni le.

MA1- B+
BTM-B+
SAPM-C+
CALCULUS-A
CAC-B
FA-B

sian lah.
why CAC B?
super duper upset can anot?

overall, im upset with my result.
dont disturb me.
:(

but come to think of it.
maybe is because i heard this word from my friend before.
those GPA below 3.
is not good.
whatever..........
results is important.but then not as important.
what u learn in school, you can never apply in your whole life, your future life.
life is more important.
we can only live once.
after so many things that happen.
that make me realise it.

think i wana go work after graduation le.
forget about everything alright.

went home after work.
then liheng was super duper clever this time round to find a shorter way to get to the mrt station.
hm.
then Jason and Kian loy was just across the street from us.
they were in HONG LEONG FINANCE SEH.
took MRT .
super duper tired lah, my LEG.
:(

anyway.
dreams can never ever ever come true.
maybe memories really faded away le.
dont wana dream of it anymore.
:(

till then.
:(


okay.
before i update on my Genting Trip, SIP launch, chalet yesterday.

let me see what i did on last WEDNESDAY.
haha.
let see.
we(me,fel and xj) went to TING house early in the morning, slack there, then went to eat lo.
i then went to lavendar to meet wh there.
went to GOLDEN MILE COMPLEX and book the tix.
then went back to TING HOUSE.
to DYE HER HAIR.
but then, the inexperience me.
was so kan chiong that i keep on crapping all the way.
:(
HAHA
but the final product of ours, was eh like hm..
don't know.
then went home,pack bag and baboom, sleep.

Thurs-Genting Trip day 1.
i woke up at 4.45..
bath and met my friends at the MRT station.
we cab down to the golden mile complex.
took the bus and headed straight to GENTING.
we use the expressway i think.
i saw KL from the expressway lah.
cos i saw the petronas(don't know how to spell) tower from there.
haha.
but it's like so fast we reach GENTING.
cos i think in one hours plus, we reach KL.
then we go GENTING le.
haha.
reach there, check into the hotel.
and heng, our hotel room just next to one another.
haha.
then we went to walk walk at the FIRST WORLD PLAZA.
and the indoor theme park.
HAHA.
:)
saw LESTER, RAIN, fellow TP schmates.
haha.
we play the INDOOR theme park.
cool lah.
it's just so cool lah.
and the weather.
haha.
cool.
they came to our HOTEL room and play poker cards.
:)



























































DAY2:

Outdoor theme park.
:)
haha.
cool. before that we went to have BREAKFAST of course.
haha.
then we shop shop around, before the outdoor theme park.
HAHA.
roller coaster, flying dragon, go-kart.
blabla.
we all try.
except the SHOOT UP.
cos.
when i wana go sit, RAIN.
then we go KTV.
then when i go back there.
like misty le.
then i see le. night night so scary worx.
nvm,
there will always be next time.
:)
haha.
we SING IN KTV LAH.
cool lah.
whew..















































'

DAY 3:

we slept quite late.
:)
haha.
cos we went to play in the middle of the night, have supper in the middle of the night.
HAHA.
cool eh?
then we pack our bag lo.
and went to PLAY flying COASTER 2 times.
haha.
i was whao, whew.
yeah.
:)
haha.
got blue-black on my leg.
cos i think play the flying dragon 3 times plus.
haha.
then keep on knocking on my left leg.
haha.
nvm.
anyway.
have lunch, shop and went back SINGAPORE.
AND there's traffic jam.
hai.
stuck in there for almost three hour plus.
:(
haha.
but we eventually reach home at about 12am plus.
cool lah.

i enjoyed the trip.
next time, more people, more fun!!
:)

i slept all the way on SUNDAY. woke up at 11am.
slept at 2pm again.
tired.

[sorry,i didn't use photoshop or whatsoever, and sorry, some pics with WH]]

then yesterday.
HAVE SIP launch.
ok lah.
saw my classmates again.
the video presentation was eh cool?
haha.
then we went to meet our LO.
and hengtee, nic, liheng same LO as me.
at first i thought, should not be in the same company ba.
then later on, the LO told the 4 of us, that we will be going to OCBC centre, along with another 6 of them.
though 2 of them(nic and liheng in the same class as me)
Hengtee was my year 1.1 classmate.
but boohoo. no girls lah.
then later on then i know CAROL also same as me.
pray same dept please.
HM.
:(
but afterall, im lucky or what. don't know.
but hehe.
WH they all at RAFLLES CITY UOB .
:)
xj will be at SUNTEC.along with the 2 guys.
yf near suntec too.
so hm.
okay ba.

after the briefing.
we went for LUNCH.
:)
then went to KBOX.
then we very late then went to our class chalet.
we bought charcoal for them.
then eddie drove us into the chalet(the chalet was at Aloha Loyang).
hm.
stay there.
and we were actually quite full.
but they serve us food.
and we were like. not close to them. no le. still ok.
but have some fun there lah.
too bad i didn't take any pics.
movie was nice.
went home and sleep le.
:)
haha.

you have not enter into my dreams anymore.
i couldn't picture your image in my mind anymore.
maybe time have erase everything from my mind.

later might go out and find some stuff needed for SIP.
im kind of tired.

till then.
:)


im back in one piece.
no worry.

i will blog about the whole trip on tuesday with photos i hope.
and of course.
later on SIP LAUNCH.
arghhhh

:(


i will be going to genting later with my friends.
:)
will be back on sat.

will update on SUN!

till then.


second post of the day.

im feeling fan in the whole morning and afternoon.
though pasir ris park was nice.though SIR building was nice too. and the passport application process is okay.
but i was still feeling very tired.
and i got no energy to do anything at night.
not even bowling with 2 different group of people(i rejected that for 2 reason, 1)im not good at bowling,it just totally haha, u noe? 2)i dont wana go, cos i will feel out of space). and i rejected KBOX with my friend too(partly, i knew i wouldn't have the energy to sing). i just feel that i have been so weak ever since last week.
i dont know why. but partly maybe is due to didn't sleep at all ever since last friday.
but i know i should be able to sleep tonight.
cos i just talked with ting.

and maybe cos ever since SUN.
whenever i wana close my eyes, whatever happen would just flood through my brain and i just woke up.
and didn't sleep.
but today, when tingting told me some stuff.
i just think that we don't have the real reason to why he did it.
or maybe we will never know the real reason why he did it.
though there were a lot of guessing going on.
but no point saying who's is in the wrong.
and she told me so many stuff.
that it nearly brought me tears to my eyes.
sigh.
but maybe he's enjoying himself in heaven.
with all the stuff that we have been burning to him.

though im not close to him.

but i just hope that he's enjoying himself.
and we will pray for you.

oh well.
now im feeling much better man.
at least not that moody in the afternoon.
:)
i think i should be able to sleep tonight.
maybe xj wouldn't be able to sleep.
cos i think by playing bowling now, she don't have to sleep.
but hey, by playing with them right,you will improve,cos there got a lot of pros..
=)
i just got no mood to go.
haha.

and now.
i going to pasar malam to buy some food to eat.
enjoy myself!
haha
:)

till then.


ok.
after the funeral service on Sunday.
i took bus 12 and went home,bath and went marina bay for steamboat with.
Tze Shing, Nic, LeeChin, Weiyi, Daisy and her bf(paiseh, don't know his name, but daisy, i will noe his name when u send me ur invitaion card for your wedding).
i was running late.
but then, i got excuse lah.

reach there.
and yeah.
went for the steamboat lah.
we cook food, and stuff.
had fun talking and crapping.
haha.

for more details of the STEAMBOAT.
check out leechin blog.
i also lazy to write what happen.
DAISY WHO COOKS THE PRAWN IS SO DELICIOUS LAH.
maybe u should set up a sea food shop in the future.
and lucky girl.
GOING TO SYDNEY OSIP.
have fun lah.

all i noe sun was
FUN!
cos they are a group of people i called friends.

and yesterday, i was home the whole day.
didn't realise that i got 2 miss call, 2 msg for me.
i was in my sis room sleeping in the afternoon, think is because i didn't sleep at all on sun.
but i return the call and reply back my friends.
yay.
carol ask wana go GENTING this thurs.
i say i ask my parents first.
but i ask xj, xj say she don't have passport.
so i pei her go make later.
if it's three working days, means that it will be ready on thurs rite.
so we go on fri.

and my MOM say go lah for GENTING.
which means she agrees to it.

alright.
shall blog tmr.
i shall go and bath soon.
and meet xj.
:)

till then.


we cried.
the whole lot of us cried.
before his coffin was being carried off for the procession.
his mom broke down.
his mom was crying so loudly,so badly,keep on screaming saying wake up,wake up,don't sleep le. u never bring ur key,i will wait for you to come back home,i call u, u must answer me, etc like that.
that we see le, we just broke down before the start of the procession.

we walked for don't know how many bus stops.
i forgotten.
in the bus, we didn't talk much.
everyone was quiet
keep looking out to the window.
to mandai.
the same service hall and the same viewing hall.
just brought me memories of 4 months ago.
in the service hall, while we were waiting for some rituals to start.
i look at the coffin and the photo.
then tears just welled up my eyes.
i look at the floor.
then when the rituals begin, we were quiet.
as we begin to walk to the viewing hall, i was holding xj hand, and xj was holding ting hand.
i didn't know what to say. just blank mind in me.
at the viewing hall there,the cremation scene was really omg.
before his coffin was slowly being pushed into the cremator
his families shouted so loud for him to wake up, wake up,wake up.at that moment,it was too much for the whole lot of us who was there to bear it..we couldn't take it.and when we saw the coffin being pushed into the cremator.
everyone just broke down and shout and cry so hard and so badly.
im no exception.
on the way back. everyone nose and eyes were red.

sighh

only at the age of 20.
he's gone. he's gone forever.
it's life.

one day everyone of us got to go through this.
maybe he went off too early,and in the wrong way.
it's too harsh the reality.
but it's still reality.

hope he find peace there.
hope he find happiness there.
rest in peace.

to the rest of the people.
hope everyone will recover from the sadness soon.

[will blog about the steamboat section with my friends tmr]


Jay Zhou Jie Lun- Qian Li Zhi Wai



nice song.
:)
i pre-book the album le.

hm.
went to the wake yesterday.
was like. surreal? don't know.
i just feel numb and blank all the way.
dont know what to react.
i stare at the empty space all the time.
couldn't just accept someone the same age as me(if im not wrong),was just gone like this?
sigh.
shall not go too much detail at the wake.
cos i also don't know what to type.
anyway.
his final journey today
me and my friends.
yep,going.

till then.
i also don't know what to type.
will be back tomorrow though.


yes.
exams is over.

however.
moment of enjoyment becomes empty.
as me and xj was watching the movie-the devils wears prada,with other friends.
she recieved a call.
i could hear her say har?
that i could heard her(i was sitting beside her)
she put down the phone and she told me wenbin passed away.
i was har(think everyone first reaction is this)
the news just couldn't sink in at that moment.
disbelieve.
the endings to the movie.
i wasn't really into it.
but still.
after the movie.i called my friend.
yes.
they knew it in the morning that he committed suicide on thurs night.
and she thought that quite a no. of us should have know about it.
no, we didn't.
we enjoyed ourselves after the exam. then. the bad news came
the news just wasn't coming at the right time.
i was in shocked.xj was too.
tear a bit.
though im not close to him.
but he's my friend friend,whenever i see him with my friends,he was just so happy,laughing,the group kai xin guo.it didn't occur to me that he got problems deep down inside his heart.
i heard from my friend that he's getting married and was engage,and their wedding photo was nice and she was so happy for him.
that was mon when she told me.
then thurs, he committed suicide.
fri, the news came.

think by now, a lot of TP students would have know what have happen.
what actually happen.

tingting ask me to call her while im on my way home.
called.
she was crying over the phone.
and she makes me cry while walking at pasir ris central back home.
wanted to withdraw money.but the empty brain me just keep on walking and crying while walking.
she say she feel so upset and she wanted to say sorry to him for not helping him.
she told me so many things.
she say how she hope this wasn't for real.
how she hope he's still there laughing,cracking up his jokes and etc.
how she hopes that she could have help him.
he never take his last paper today.
how he and the group of friends haven went to sentosa,kbox together.
when she goes into the exam hall,then she knew what happen.
her mind at that time was not on the paper, her mind was just full of him.
how the group will be different without him.
his laughter,jokes and everything.

then.
i keep thinking
did he think he was doing the right thing before he jumps down?
did he know that a lot of people who cares for him will be upset?
heard from my friend the whole thing.
don't know how to react.
then i just say it's life.
maybe he thinks that by doing this, he will feel better in another paradise.he let off a whole of burden off himself.
but no one wants him to do these.
ting say she rather he cry,tell her what happen then ending his life in this way.
but still.
life is so short.
:(

reach home and then was on the phone with xj and fel.
talked about lots of things.
then when i wanted to sleep.
i couldn't.
msg xj.
read wanbao,cause the news is inside.
i was still shaking my head when i read the news.

will be going out with xj and the rest later.

and will go to the wake later tonight.

life is short.
you wouldn't know what will happen to the ones around you.
start treasuring everyone around you.

and wenbin, may you rest in peace.
have fun in the other world.
with no stress, no suffering. be happy.


happy teacher's day.
:)

alright.
today after 4.30 pm.
i will be having my one week freedom before.
SIP starts as well as results.
*grumbles*

and today paper will be cac.
and if im going to get C for this subject.
blame it on me.
though my coursework get A.
my cramps got worst till the night, and i couldn't concentrate.
what the hell.
i just read through everything that i think i need to know.
and later i think i shall crap through the paper.
if i understand what the notes is talking about.

whatever.
i go mug le

and JOAKIM was out yesterday for Singapore Idol.
everyone was saying finally.
but he improved on WED.
so im hoping to see him next week.
ahhh. feel so upset for him
my friend even cried for him when he's out.
pray as long as Jonathan and Hady not out next week.
if not my TV can be shut off from any Singapore Idol every WED.

till then.
:)

DeDuan / DD
23, LPS, CSS, TP, SIM, 23/08/1986
shy, independent/dependent, perfectionist
music, piano, shopping, family & friends make up her life
loves cheescakes & chocolates,beach & stars
wish for honours(hopefully), driving license, travel around the world, happily ever after, get a good job, diamonds, digital camera

Websites i go to-
Beatrice Charlene Charmaine the feisty princess Digg hungry go where Jaime Teo Jeanette Aw Jessica Tan Joanne Peh Nat Ho Peggy PeiLing Rebecca Lim Violet Xiaxue Yanwen (A young mommy blog)

Friends-
Old Blog Benson ChingYing ChuXian Daphne Eeqa Esprimere Felicia Geraldine Grace Ivy Jaclyn Jane Jannah Jewel Jiahui Joy Katie Liane Mabel Nic PeiYin Shanice ShuXian Suyee Tingting WeiPing WeiYi XiangYue XiuRong Xuejing YaFang Yvonne

Past

Old Blog-
September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006

Current Blog-
January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 April 2012 May 2012 June 2012 July 2012 August 2012 September 2012 October 2012 November 2012 December 2012 February 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013

Music

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Credits

Designer: Eunice
Color codes: Color Picker Tool
Icon: Stopthetime's icon site
Inspirations: Jellybeanies; ♥

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